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Callie and the Case of the Cold Shoulder
Callie was the star athlete of her track team, she was the fastest long distance runner, and had many trophies and scholarships to prove it. Her schools track team was number one in the district and all the girls were very proud of their achievements. Callie had worked very hard to be in amazing physical condition but she was also a natural born beauty. She was kind and was friendly to everyone, not in the least bit selfish or vain. Everyone liked her and looked up to her.
One day Callie was out for her normal morning jog around her upscale exclusive neighborhood running path when fate stepped in and changed this amazing young woman's life forever. In her neighborhood unbeknownst to Callie there was a man, who happened to be a senator of her state, who started to have an unhealthy obsession with this underage girl, Callie. He started watching her and stalking her. His obsession with this girl grew and grew. His beautiful young privileged wife found out and was so jealous and insecure about her husband taking an interest in a younger more beautiful woman that she began to plot her revenge....
Eventually one day the man became deranged in his thinking and followed her on her morning run and he raped her. He had no shame and went about his way. His wife had taken to spying on him, so she too knew what happened but did nothing but grow angrier at the object of his obsession. The young girl who was of course traumatized by the event, went home, showered and cried and said nothing about the event because she was embarrassed and ashamed.
The event was repressed in Callie's emotions and she mastered the art of denial and pushed it all aside. When she did start to notice the signs of pregnancy she ignored it and again did nothing at all about it, focusing only on her passion, her athletic skills. When several months had passed one day after a track meet and Callie's team was taking showers in the locker room when her team mates noticed that Callie was obviously showing signs of being several months pregnant. When they noticed, they went to the coach. The coach in all her anger and disgust at losing her star athlete threw Callie off the the track team, because it goes against school rules.
Callie's parents were called by the coach to discuss the situation. When they came to pick up Callie, they were so appalled that their child was at the center of a public scandal that they decided at once they would pull her from her school and send her off to a private school across the country, after they could deal with getting the pregnancy removed from public view and set up for adoption. Their cold-hearted reaction to the situation broke Callie's heart. They did not even yell at her, they just sent her away. And just like that, Callie lost her family, her friends, her passion that was her life, that was her stability, all gone.
Just when she thought it could not get any worse, the evil senator's wife contacted Callie's parents and told them lies about how Callie was having an affair with the senator....the scandal would continue to be a nightmare to keep quiet. How could anything ever go right for Callie again?
Author’s Note: I chose this part of the story because it emotionally affects how I feel (and many others) about women who have been violated and victimized and how it has caused people to look at them differently. More often than not the victim suffers the penalty and pays the price, not the predator. I tried to keep the main plot of the story the same, just retold in a more modern setting.
Statistics show that one is six women have been or will be a victim of rape in their lifetime. This is truly heatbreaking. In the case of Callisto, she was a victim of Jupiter and his jealous wife, but also of losing her family and place in life that she was a part of. Now because of circumstances beyond her or human control she lost everything. No one was there for her when she needed support the most. It was the same story for the fictional character, treachery, betrayal and loss of support from people she most needed it from.
During the readings of this unit in particular it seemed like the gods and goddesses could get away with whatever selfish and horrible things they wanted and at very little consequence for themselves. This is why I chose for the villan of my story to be powerful person, like a senator, because it would be easy for a person of power and wealth to identify with a god who wields power over others with little personal consequence.
However long ago this story of Callista was written, very little has changed in that we still face the same human issues. It's main fiber of truth still illustrates itself in globally woven tapestry that we continue to weave even now.
Bibliography:This story is part of the Ovid's Metamorphoses unit. Story source: Ovid's Metamorphoses, translated by Tony Kline (2000).
Hi, LaDawn!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your story! I actually did a story from Ovid's Metamorphoses as well and it was very interesting to me. I think it was cool how you took the original story of Callisto and made it more modern in the plot, characters, and word choice.
A few things, you split the paragraphs well in terms of content and had good transitions into the next part, but I think it might be easier to read if you spaced each paragraph since they're not indented. That way, it doesn't seem like any of it is clumped together. Also, in your third paragraph, I think you should clarify that the "her" in the very beginning is Callisto since it's a new paragraph.
Other than that, it was nice how you connected your story to the real life issue as in the original story it just happened and things went on. It's an important issue in our society and it's great that you addressed and explained it both in your story and your author's note.
I look forward to reading more of your stories! :)
Christineie, Hello and thank you very much for your feedback. I think you are correct in the paragraph spacing and the pronoun clarification! I struggle with that sometimes, thanks for catching that. The story was emotional to write, and I agree, this is a sensitive issue in our modern times. It is sad how tragic it was even in the mythic times how women suffer the fate of being victims of sexual aggression.
ReplyDeleteI was immediately interested in the story from the beginning. This story has a lot of potential of being deeper and having more detail. I am a person that like detail when they read. I think the story could've had more depth to it. It triggered emotions right away. While I enjoyed reading, the flow could've been better with space in between each paragraph. I got lost once trying to flow into the next. I think if the characters had dialog and was told at a different perspective I could've connected even more. I haven't read a story like this yet. I like stories that others can relate to. I'm not saying that rape was down played in the story but if it had its own paragraph or a bigger lead up to the scene it could've made the story stronger. I had no idea where this story was going in the beginning but I liked what you did with it and how someone out there could relate to it.
ReplyDeleteLaDawn, what a well-written story! You chose to stay simplistic with how many words you used, yet got your point across. I also like how you were able to make this a very modernized story that is relate-able to anyone who went to high school. Your author's note was very helpful to me, as I have not read the original story before. Although a tragic story with a cliff hanger, overall you did a great job!
ReplyDeleteMy only commentary when it comes your story would be to proofread for grammar. Besides echoing previous comments as to the spacing of your paragraphs, my biggest comment would be on grammar. Maybe you could do a quick scan of your writing before you publish it to see where you would need to add apostrophes and commas?
Great job overall!
Alright sissypants, let me have a go at you.
ReplyDeleteLike the other say, space between each paragraph. Indents don't work for online reading the way they do for regular print, so never mind those! Otherwise the script itself is easy to read- dark font on a light background, not too small.
For your image, don't forget to write what it is in the caption and then the name of the source. Since it's a painting it'd be the name of the painting and then the person who painted it, even if you got it from wiki and the link led to a wiki page.
You got the tags right for this post, but I would remove titles from the tags as your 'labels' sidebar is getting really long and we're only on week 4. Like I said before, it's easiest just to do 'Reading Diary, Week 3' or 'Storytelling, Week 2', don't forget the commas as otherwise things don't go to the same place (it makes a new tag) and makes things hard to find! (For instance, this post is the only one in your storytelling tag.)
As for this story itself, I don't really see a problem with the grammar itself as it stands now. I would suggest however, to change wording and sentence structures for more impact on the story and emotions. I think the main problem is it feels like it was told instead of felt?
The young girl who was of course traumatized by the event, went home, showered and cried and said nothing about the event because she was embarrassed and ashamed.
I would suggest changes like these:
Traumatised by this horrible event, the young girl returned home. Embarrassed and ashamed, she often cried in the shower. So deep was her denial that she never spoke of the event to anyone.
Shorter sentences can often have a bigger impact since they are more direct in content. Don't be afraid to use bold and italics for emphasis.
How could anything ever go right for Callie again?
I hope this helps! I look forward to your week 4 storytelling :)